The psychologist says that there are very clear signs that predict the divorce of a couple. In his love lab, he asks the study partners to look for a topic of habitual discussion and is dedicated to observing them. The goal is to identify specific behaviors that can lead to rupture. Interactions in the couple are observed in the laboratory by video and by cardiac monitors and other devices that measure stress during the conversation. Learn more with our blog and welcome to random gay chat.
With the study, analysis and monitoring of these data on hundreds of couples, the team came to identify what they consider to be:
3 Signs of Danger for the Couple
1. A Violent Approach: The first of these signs that predict divorce is the way a discussion begins, because 96% of the time the way it begins can predict how it will end. When a couple starts the discussion in a negative way, making accusations or losing respect for the other, the discussion is basically doomed to failure. The problem is not arguing, but the way you argue. The use of sarcasm, criticism and accusation means that the two members do not focus on negotiating, but are accusing each other. With that, one assumes the other is the problem. Negativity is noted in the tone of contempt, even if the words are spoken in a soft tone. The research showed that if the discussion starts with a "violent approach," the end is predictably negative, even though the attempt is made to soften the tone during the discussion.
2. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: After the hard start, other negative attitudes that the American psychologist John M. Gottman calls "the four horsemen of the Apocalypse" may appear. They usually appear in this order: criticism, contempt, defensive attitude and disdain.
- Review. Every person has something to say to their partner that they dislike, but it is good to distinguish the complaint from the critic. A complaint refers to a behavior (or absence of conduct), and a criticism refers to the whole: one thing is to say "you do not help me much with children" and another "you are a bad father." Criticisms often begin with "you always ..." or "you never ...".
- Disparagement. Contempt is criticism with added hostility; is manifested through cynicism and sarcasm. The usual expressions are insults, look of boredom, mockery and hostility. Disdain is the most venomous of attitudes because it never leads to conflict resolution. It is brewing from unresolved conflicts that remain in the memory.
3. Overflow: Although it seems that one of the two does not react and act in a seemingly relaxed way, the truth is that it is being held in order not to explode. That is why he takes refuge in the protection of disdain and tries to ignore the couple. He strives to break away emotionally. Confinement in itself is its only way of facing hostility.